How I Break All 10 Commandments, Daily

  1. You shall have no other gods before Me.
    I think this is a tricky commandment because it seems easy to follow, right? Duh, I’m not off worshipping another religion so I’m good? No. I put other “gods” above the Man Upstairs all the time! I binge watch Netflix instead of reading my bible. I enjoy wine much more than I should – and at times, it keeps me from focusing on my Christian morals. How often do I post on social media about God? Not nearly as often as frivolous, pointless things. Some days, it seems like I’ll put just about any “god” above Him.
  1. You shall not make idols.
    I interpret this as being a “Sunday Christian.” As making the mistake of confusing the constructs of religion with real worship. I think most of us involved in our churches find ourselves guilty of this at one point or another. We are all busy nowadays and it is hard to find time to get everything done in a day. Especially if you value sleep the way I do. If I go to service, and youth group, and family night, then I have fulfilled my duties for the week, right? All too often my devotionals pile up for days while I find “better things” to occupy my time.
  1. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
    As much as I wish this is a habit I could break, I definitely say “Oh my God” or “Jesus Christ,” as means to describe my exasperation. Which is bad, but I think what is much worse is that I oftentimes put God second to who I want to be. I take his name in vain by declaring Christianity while acting impulsively.
  1. Remember the Sabbath Day, keep it Holy.
    If we are being honest, do any of us have time for an entire day of “Holy?” I don’t feel so much guilt over this since I do find some time for God most days, even if it is far too short. But I could spend much more time doing good things for the world, for my community, if I prioritized that over more sinful activities.
  1. Honor your Father and Mother.
    Since I was about 14 years old, I’ve had essentially no relationship with my mother. I am too old to blame her for that now but I do know that it is not the way God wants me to live. A couple weeks ago I felt called to reach out to her, and I did. We have only spoke twice since but, perhaps, I will be honoring my Mother soon enough. I struggle to honor my Father like I should. Not because I am ungrateful or unappreciative – there is just so much to thank him for. The words “I love you” are rarely spoken in my family… we all assume they already know.

How I break

  1. You shall not murder.
    You guessed it! I haven’t killed anyone at all today – or any other days! Really, I had to look up what a modern-day translation of this commandment would entail. In the Catholic faith, it seems to, oftentimes, be translated into defaming someone’s character. Aka, gossip. If I had a penny for every sly comment I’ve made about someone, albeit appearance, attitude, etc, I would definitely have a whole lot less student loan debt.
  1. You shall not commit adultery.
    Of all the commandments, this is by-and-large the one I break most often. I may not be married but I am certainly an adulteress. I flirt too often, I sexualize situations and people without reason. Certainly, on more than one occasion it has been said that I make things dirty. That’s because… it’s true. If I am being completely honest, this is a commandment I will break everyday for the rest of my life.
  1. You shall not steal.
    Briefly forgetting the habits of sticky-fingered-high-school-Janelle, my “stealing” today is a bit less intentional. I stop for Starbucks when there is perfectly good coffee at home. I buy a meal while ripe produce waits in my refrigerator. I buy yet another pair of shoes. Yes, these things are materialistic and, therefore, frowned upon. But they are not stealing… just the opposite, I am spending money. But I am spending money on things that are unnecessary, I am stealing from those in need.
  1. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
    I found a very interesting modern-day translation of this commandment referencing our online presence, “be the same person online as we are in real life, do not share sensational, almost-true-but-not-quite information.” Pope Benedict XVI, did you just call me out directly?!  Be honest, you do the same! We all do! We bear false witness in a hope of being “liked.” Seems silly now, doesn’t it?
  1. You shall not covet.
    Do I even have to write anything here? If you aren’t coveting in 2015 than you must be Jesus Christ himself. That green-eyed monster is all too common in all of us, isn’t it? Let us not forget how utterly unimportant the newest iPhone is.

Let’s Pray:

Allow me to continue to see the errors in my ways. Allow me to seek your purity and steer me away from sin. Help me keep your commandments. Help me seek your wisdom and share it with others. I pray that these words touch someone today, Heavenly Father I pray that my honesty keep my heart open to you. Let me love you more each and every day.

Homecoming Weekend as an Alumni

As some of you may know, I am from the Midwest but went to college on Long Island. Graduating was rough (as it is for everyone really) because I had to pack up and move away from everything my life had been for four years. Talk about a bummer! So when I got an email a couple months ago reminding me of “Alumni Weekend” I jumped on the opportunity. A whole weekend with my old buddies? Easy choice.

Stony Brook University, Homecoming, New York, Long Island, Chicago, Party, Drinking, Football, College Football

So I packed up a very carefully planned carry-on and took a traffic ridden drive to O’Hare. Side note: I literally almost missed the flight – I had to skip to the front of security… which in retrospect was kind of awesome. By 10 am I was hugging my best friend dramatically in the Jamaica Station lobby.

Stony Brook University, Homecoming, New York, Long Island, Chicago, Party, Drinking, Football, College Football

Thursday was spent cuddled up with Italian take-out and the full Shonda Rhimes evening, “TGIT.” Friday I woke up early and met one of my best male pal’s in Manhattan… which led to a lot of walking, as usual.

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I was reminded of the beauty of urban planning as I enjoyed an iced coffee with the company of move-able chairs. (if that makes no sense to you, TRUST ME, they are a big deal to people’s happiness for some reason) Then we took a stroll through The High Line  and grabbed some lunch at The Park. I took full advantage of my “vacation” by sharing an entire pitcher of Sangria with my friend (yeah… just the two of us)

Stony Brook University, Homecoming, New York, Long Island, Chicago, Party, Drinking, Football, College Football Stony Brook University, Homecoming, New York, Long Island, Chicago, Party, Drinking, Football, College Football Stony Brook University, Homecoming, New York, Long Island, Chicago, Party, Drinking, Football, College Football

Hours later we hopped on the good ole’ Long Island Railroad to get to my digs for the weekend. Back to my old stompin’ grounds! After a couple drinks I threw on my flannel (flannel #1 for the weekend… I really like this being gay thing) and danced the night away. Maybe it was the multiple long island iced tea’s (because I was on Long Island after all) but I actually managed to have a great time listening to house music.

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Homecoming was exactly what I wanted it to be. A day to hug and small talk with people I suspected I would never see again. It was a great time and well worth the chump change I paid for a flight over.


…But a less than sober trip to my favorite diner was a must.

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A bittersweet morning goodbye on Monday sent me off to my three-train-journey to JFK. Naturally, Chicago greeted me with blistering cold winds and a reminder of what the Midwest is all about. Though, my lady picking me up with flowers and the quintessential driver-in-the-airport “Janelle March” sign in tow certainly put a smile on my face. Now that all is said and done, I am just fine with my Alumni title now.

Until Next Time,

Tell me Readers,
Did you attend a Homecoming Football Game this year? If you’ve graduated college, do you go back for Alumni weekend?

The Magic, Disappearing Blogger

Did you miss me? Sorry about the week hiatus, guys! I started a big girl job last week and it came as quite the shock to my system. Since graduating in May, I have mostly just invested my time in getting to know the ins and outs of Netflix. Truly, my life was a bit sad but a break from reality was not entirely unappreciated. I am sure you can imagine that having to be up before the sun every single day now is a bit of a lifestyle adjustment.

Anyway, I really do want to keep blogging regularly and I know that to do it all I am going to be losing some sleep but that’s life, right? My overly specific google calendar should help keep me in line and make all of this possible. At the end of the day, I legititmately love writing and I need the creative outlet now that I spend 40+ hours a week in an office.
I’ve planned out the next few weeks of posts for you, so you can have something to look forward to… (humor me here y’all – feign some excitement for me!) 
– Homecoming Weekend as an Alumni
– How I Break all 10 Commandments, Daily
– Developing Jenna Gordon
(This is something I am trying out as far as the “Creative Writing” category is concerned. I want to write some short stories for a while and adventure into fiction writing but reseach tells me that I should develop a character first. Hence, Jenna Gordon. For months I had a “stickie” on my laptop that reads “Create a character by magnifying your own flaws.” I don’t even remember where I heard that but I am finally going to do it. Jenna will be her own person but she will share some nasty traits with me.)
– Bisexual FAQ
– An IOS Upgrade from God
– On My First Time: Going Down on a Lady
(Another series I am hoping to bring to life. Essentially, I will be recapping how my first time with various sexual and relationship milestones went down. Brace yourself, I’m serving a big plate of nitty gritty)
– Review of Canva Graphic Design Software
– Dating a Non Believer
(If you haven’t picked up on it yet, I am posting something faith-based every week. Friday’s, specifically. This was actually a pretty bold decision to make in my book because I understand it is going to turn some people off. I know a lot of you are here because I advocate for bisexual visibility and talk about dirty stuff sometimes but I am also a Christian. I believe very strongly that God has given me writing skills and I intend to use them.
Is there anything you want to read about that I haven’t mentioned? Tell me! Your wish is my command.

Living in Sin

If you actively read my blog then the last thing you probably picture me doing is praying everyday. Certainly, there is a stereotype that someone who can comfortably write about sex on the internet would not read the bible. Janelle, that Janelle, no way she likes going to church.

Well… you would be right. I don’t just pray everyday, I pray several times throughout the day. And I don’t read the bible, I listen to it as an audiobook – daily. And I don’t like going to church, I love being involved in my church.

 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we    were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

My parents both came from Catholic families and both my brother and I were baptized and raised in the Catholic Church. That being said, once my parents got divorced when I was five years old my mother pretty much stopped taking us altogether. I grew up seeing God as the man who bored me for an hour and half and then gave me a donut afterwards…

Okay that was a little extreme… but seriously, faith was not much of a topic in my household.

Still, when I was in high school I started attending a youth group at a totally different church and that is where I found my faith. That youth group is still a pillar in my hometown and in my life. (hey guys!)

“For by grace you have been     saved through 
faith. And this is not your own doing; it is 
the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8

In my adult life, I have absolutely struggled with the fact that I don’t fit in society’s white, middle-class, Christian female mold. I sin every single day and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. That being said, I have been closer to God in the last few months than I have been ever before. How? I accept myself for who I am and I know that God created me this way.

That clarity did not come quickly or easily. It came with age, maturity, and the blessings of wonderful people in my life. It came when I reached a point where my own happiness and self-acceptance trumped a need to be well-liked. It came when the image of what I expected my life to be burst into flames and forced me to paint a new one. Being honest with yourself is important – being honest with God is crutual. 

“Come now, let us settle the matter. Though 
your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18

I enjoy my sins and I will never be perfect. To quote Derek Shepard “I am a flawed.” But I love God and I am beyond grateful for Jesus Christ. With that love in my back pocket I will be just fine.

Until next time,

P.S. This week my Youth Pastor mentioned that my blog needed some Jesus… it was coming, I swear!

The Art of Coming Out

Yesterday, October 10th, was “National Coming Out Day.” While I did not actually come out to anyone yesterday it definitely got me thinking about my own experiences. I didn’t exactly make this huge statement where I let the world know I was bisexual – there was really no gesture at all. I really just let people find out on there own time.

2015 is a great time to be gay… I mean really, I couldn’t ask for better timing. The world is receptive to it and celebrities are coming out left and right. Suddenly, I have all these role models telling me that part of me I shielded for 12 years is totally welcome in the world.

Anyway, I definitely started thinking about different ways that one can announce their homosexuality to the internet…

The Weak Sauce
This gal wants the world to know but maybe doesn’t feel the need to literally climb a mountain to shout it from. Optional method, a “sly snap” …if you will. A picture of your partner with some sort of ambiguous captioning posted to the snapchat story. Perhaps an emoji covering their face. A picture of some perfectly adorable same-sex hand holding. Same sort of method works well on Instragam – just a picture of the lady friend. No caption. Leave ‘em wondering if that fox gets to kiss your face.

The Hashtagger
He wants you to know he likes the dudes and there will be no question when this day is over. Ahh the glorious celebratory days welcoming baby homo’s into the brave new world. He’s not coming out of the closet, he is breaking the damn thing down! #NationalComingOutDay was made for him and he’s not afraid to use it!

The Grand Gesture
Now these folks are the epitome of bravery. Truly, all kidding aside, I tip my hat to y’all – you are making a difference. Most infamous in my book is the beautiful fashion and beauty youtuber, Ingrid Nilsen. Her video “Something I Want You to Know (Coming Out)” (seriously, why is that such a genius title for hits) has more than 12 million views. And now we all get to lust over her *goals * relationship with fellow youtuber Hannah Hart, lovingly known as Hangrid.

The Insufferable
Now these gays… they are the real trailblazers. They know how to tell the world “I’m gay” whether they care or not! Optional method. A: Scrap your entire wardrobe. I mean everything. Schedule a Salvation Army pick-up kids, we’ve got the donation of the century. Now start shopping… if it doesn’t have a rainbow on it then it is NOT for you. That’s right, you are rockin’ ROYGBIV all day everyday you little homo you. Optional Method, B: This one is not for the faint of heart… or rather, the faint of pain tolerance. Take a drive over to your neighborhood tattoo parlor and get the words “I’m gay” inked onto your forhead! *warning* not suggested for anyone who ever wants any job ever.

I may or may not be guilty of a couple of those myself…


The “sly snap”


My “Bi Visibility Day” Selfie

Until Next time,

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The Adventures of Threesomes, Cheating, and Cuckold.

Necessary Introduction:
I have always had a vague interest in creative writing but never enough to pursue writing in any serious manner. I know that will completely shock you, a millennial lacking in follow through. I could not handle a life tethered to a keyboard. Blogging is a happy medium – you sort of need a moderate level of socializing to have tales worth clicking on. To satisfy my appetite to be imaginative, I will be contributing to “creative writing” category I’ve created every other Monday’s from here on out. These posts will, generally, be longer than my normal 500 word maximum and will occasionally start with a prompt.

Now on to the story…

Putting down roots back home was not a priority to me. I was perfectly content laying in my bed night after night – managing to lose most of the day to seasons at a time. Emphasis on “content.” I certainly was not unhappy but I cannot say it was the life I expected to be living just a few months after leaving the rubber-padded playground that is college. However, after meeting my blue-eyed beau I have fallen back into the wine soaked evenings I remembered fondly.

While she worked, I agree to attend a time-old Midwestern tradition, a bonfire. The company would be fairly foreign to me but still, I pack a lawn chair and start my car. Within minutes of my arrival the converstation turned political. The opinions of other bleeding hearts made me feel instantly at home. The night was fun. An easy gathering. But as the guests left one-by-one, my night took a turn.

I found myself led through sliding glass doors, through a shabby chic kitchen, and to the doorway of a dimly lit bedroom claiming itself home to a queen sized bed and steel grey walls. Nervously, I listen to compliments and a myriad of requests. Thoughts of fantasies past race through my head. Never one to turn down an opportunity to experiment with my sexuality, I was trapped between right and wrong. It would be wrong to sit on that bed. What came after would feel right.

“Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.”
– Marilyn Monroe

As the buzz of one too many hoppy beverages blurs my decision making I agree to enter the bedroom. The door closes behind me and the gravity of my situation sinks in. He comes closer to me and reveals how badly he wants to kiss me. To touch me. I resist. A mental check mark flashes through my subconscious. I was denying the pulses from my growing libido and listening to my morality. I knew I should leave but, still, I found myself standing there. When I put on this black leather jacket my intentions were harmless – to be warm. As I am told how flattering and seductive it is I realize the effect it has had.

She wanders into the bathroom of this master suite and I am left with her boyfriend. I bring up any subject in attempt to keep his wandering eyes from getting too ambitious. My thumbs dance across the screen to inform the right girl that she can go to sleep. That I will be staying the night here. My lust was winning the battle – loyalty be damned.

The bathroom door opens and my heart skips a beat. She has ditched the ponytail and blue jeans for something much more… exciting. My gaze explores her dark hair as it meets maroon colored lace. My eyes are captivated by cleavage once hidden under layers of fleece and cotton. Mere inches of fabric protect the truly shocking parts of her body from bursting out. Whatever qualms I had about being here, about agreeing to stay the night in the steel room, they are increasingly difficult to remember.

“Some of the best moments in life are the ones you cannot tell anyone about.”

And then she asks me the question that breaks my stare and snaps me back to my senses. “I want to watch you with him. Will you do that for me?” Cuckold. I was ask to stay behind so that I could have sex with this man while she watched. Was the idea appealing? Sure. But I quickly realized that my attraction was to her and not to the boyfriend whose gaze had gone from flattering to mildly unnerving. The magic was gone as quickly as it began.

My drive home was lacking in the regret I expected to feel from missing out on a sexual “no-no.” One of my largest fears had been conquered and the satisfaction I felt from that outweighed the pleasure of awkward thrusting. I was not a cheater. I was not disloyal at the first appealing opportunity. Being invited into their relationship for a night gave me confidence that I was happy in my own.

Tell me readers, have you ever been tempted by a wildly unexpected opportunity like that? Would you have done it?

Until next time,

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Why I’m Team Tinder

As someone who has spent a significant amount of time scoping out hotties on “dating” apps, I consider myself qualified to speak on them. Maybe I am supposed to pretend I’m embarrassed of that fact but screw it… it’s 2015 people. Every 22 year old has tinder on their phone and they totally checked out your daughter’s tits last night. (That’s right, your daughter is a tramp… posting cleavage-bearing pictures on tinder, tisk tisk.)

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Let me just say now, I 100% stand behind dating apps. I have met some really cool people that way. I suppose I should also mention that I met my girlfriend on tinder so… there’s that.

I fancy myself a pretty charismatic person and I find myself pretty darn attractive. Still, I find it incredibly hard to meet people face-to-face. I honestly do not believe that is entirely because of me – I blame the generation. This is not news to anyone… we just don’t seem to talk to strangers anymore. Perhaps too many creepy candy toting van jokes when we were younger.

“Well, dating has become a sport and not about finding the person you love.”
– Rashida Jones

I went to a state university where I was fairly involved so, there, I didn’t really struggle to find friends or a love life. Tinder, OkCupid, etc. served as a means of entertainment more than anything else. But last summer I made a big girl decision and packed my bags to go to Minneapolis for an internship.I didn’t know a soul there other than my overscheduled roomates and the four other employees at the nonprofit I was working at. I needed a source so I turned to swiping right for friendship and maybe some smooching. Guess what y’all? It worked… well friendship wise. Didn’t find anyone worthy of these luscious lips, ya know?

Anyway, it was great for me because I found that when I actually got to talking to people, they too were looking for a happy hour pal. I deem MPLS an especially hard city to meet people in but I think the standard probably holds true. It’s rough out here nowadays and you gotta meet your buddies in any way you can.

So swipe on my salacious (good word) sisters! I will be moving shortly and totally plan on redownloading tinder to help make friends there.

Until Next Time,


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