If you actively read my blog then the last thing you probably picture me doing is praying everyday. Certainly, there is a stereotype that someone who can comfortably write about sex on the internet would not read the bible. Janelle, that Janelle, no way she likes going to church.
Well… you would be right. I don’t just pray everyday, I pray several times throughout the day. And I don’t read the bible, I listen to it as an audiobook – daily. And I don’t like going to church, I love being involved in my church.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
My parents both came from Catholic families and both my brother and I were baptized and raised in the Catholic Church. That being said, once my parents got divorced when I was five years old my mother pretty much stopped taking us altogether. I grew up seeing God as the man who bored me for an hour and half and then gave me a donut afterwards…
Okay that was a little extreme… but seriously, faith was not much of a topic in my household.
Still, when I was in high school I started attending a youth group at a totally different church and that is where I found my faith. That youth group is still a pillar in my hometown and in my life. (hey guys!)
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.” Ephesians 2:8
In my adult life, I have absolutely struggled with the fact that I don’t fit in society’s white, middle-class, Christian female mold. I sin every single day and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. That being said, I have been closer to God in the last few months than I have been ever before. How? I accept myself for who I am and I know that God created me this way.
That clarity did not come quickly or easily. It came with age, maturity, and the blessings of wonderful people in my life. It came when I reached a point where my own happiness and self-acceptance trumped a need to be well-liked. It came when the image of what I expected my life to be burst into flames and forced me to paint a new one. Being honest with yourself is important – being honest with God is crutual.
“Come now, let us settle the matter. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18
I enjoy my sins and I will never be perfect. To quote Derek Shepard “I am a flawed.” But I love God and I am beyond grateful for Jesus Christ. With that love in my back pocket I will be just fine.
Until next time,
P.S. This week my Youth Pastor mentioned that my blog needed some Jesus… it was coming, I swear!